TBT:YOU DON'T JUST LOSE SOMEONE ONCE

For the past 8+ months my actions have been based on the discussions Natureman and I had regarding what I should do once he was no longer around.

Selling the End of the Rainbow Valley, moving closer to family, buying a new home, continuing Jazzercising, finding a book club and joining familiar congregations of former years.

What I didn't forsee was how I wouldn't be able to sit and read a book, how Zooming would continue to be a main source of contact how the radio playing a special song could elicit tears by the third note/ the arrival of the Nation ( a political periodical) would find its place next to the new couch and how terribly lonely nights would be.

Finally a long awaited formed Grief and Loss Support group began on Zoom... and I heard our moderator state what I was experiencing was to be expected. It was all part of the different stages of grieving: denial, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear and anger in no particular order.

I wasn't the only one feeling the loneliness, of wanting to share the latest news and would talk to the absent loved one in the quiet , reaching over to the empty side of the bed, missing a touch, a hug and being loved, having friends avoid talking about the elephant in the room, And above all, not knowing what the future will hold...

Restated was the reminder that grief will always be there because we had a good, loving relationship. I am thankful for those almost 20 years together and our bond.

Here's a photo from last year of Natureman at this holiday time ...

And the words of another grieving that ring so true especially at Holiday time...

"You don't just lose someone once.

You lose them over and over, sometimes many times a day.

When the loss, momentarily forgotten,

creeps up,

and attacks you from behind.

Fresh waves of grief as the realization hits home,

they are gone.

Again.

You don’t just lose someone once,

you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn,

and as you awaken,

so does your memory,

so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart,

they are gone.

Again.

Losing someone is a journey,

not a one-off.

There is no end to the loss,

there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat,

when it washes over.

Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea,

they have a journey ahead of them,

and a daily shock to the system each time they realize,

they are gone,

Again.

You don’t just lose someone once,

you lose them every day,

for a lifetime."