Our 89 yr old Father for the last 21/2 years has been the caregiver for our Mom who has a progressive eye disease. Until a doctor's visit this week we, her family, didn't know it was progressive. If our father knew, he hadn't shared that piece of important information. So now the 15% sight left in the one good eye has decreased. With the loss of sight, brain memories have replaced reality and created their own reality with various types of hallucinations. Days and nights have been interchanged and it has taken its toll on our Dad. Of course it would, even on a much younger person. He had kept this a secret.
I don't live in the same town much less state so it was a phone conversation last week where the stress and exhaustion were audible and evident. It was time for intervention and we all knew it wouldn't be easy.
Essentially when you get to this stage there are really only 2 plans, Plan A and Plan B. Plan A is to stay in their home of 60+ years with help coming in shifts for both days and nights/ plan B is to go to assisted living. The folks had expressed their desire to stay in their home as long as possible a couple years back and we as their children do want to honor and respect that wish but not at the expense of one/the other parent. We had encouraged them to check out senior living facilities in town which they have visited.
Starting last night the first of many steps was made as a nightly professional caregiver stayed at their home. Fingers are crossed that this will eventually give our Dad the necessary sleep he so desperately needs to regain some strength and also make some more good important decisions together with our Mother. Cleaning help has been hired but more is needed as physical efforts will be needed elsewhere. Baby steps are better than no steps at all, right?
Daytime help is next and we, their kids, dread those calls to notify us of serious falls. They both had a spill this past Tuesday. Luckily, a neighbor saw their demise and came to assist them. All we can do is NUDGE heavily but sooner rather than later we will have to dictate. Hopefully they will come to the choices themselves for extra assistance... Time is not on our side.
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| Folks enjoying sitting out in their backyard yesterday enjoying some sunshine |
Such a familiar story to so many of us. Dealing with those transitions is a minefield of mixed emotions, carefully chosen words, help from their Dr. and other medical support staff, and a search for available options. And then all compounded by distance. I hope they can make the transition to assisted living. It would be a good start. The must be wonderful people to have raised a daughter like you, Karen.
ReplyDeleteYou are very kind, and wise, children. Quite a testament to your parents.
ReplyDeleteIt's always tough when the roles reverse and the child becomes the caretaker of the parents. So many of that generation fear nursing homes based on the memories of what was available to their parents back in the old days. Many are pleasantly surprised when they see what is available in this day and age. Do they have lifeline buttons to wear in case of a fall or emergency? That would be a start. Hopefully when your dad gets the rest he needs to make better decisions he will consider the move to assisted living. Often times it can be made available as a married couple to live together in the facility, even if one doesn't need as much help as the other. It sure made me breath easier when my mother went into assisted living and I knew her needs would be met day or night. I know we plan to make the choice really easy for our kids, we'll go into assisted living without any fight at all. We've already downsized to nothing so that part is done.
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